Kolumnen

A Zigeuna mecht i sein – 03.12.2016

Als am Hietzinger Friedhof Partystimmung herrschte. 

Alles Gute zum Hunderter, Omschi“, flüsterte ich und die weißen Rosen wurden nass. Ich hatte sie drei Mal zuvor in der Vase umarrangiert, sie hatte es immer gern sehr ordentlich. Bilder der Kindheit rasten durch meinen Kopf: Mit welcher Engelsgeduld sie mir, dem nicht gerade sportlichsten aller Kinder, das Schwimmen beigebracht hatte. Wie wir gemeinsam Schneenockerln in Vanillesauce gebastelt hatten. Als sie mit dem Großvater in stundenlanger Detailarbeit die Fenster meiner ersten Wohnung gestrichen hatte. Mit welcher Hingabe jeder meiner Zeitungsartikel von ihr in  Dutzenden Archivkartons aufbewahrt wurde. Plötzlich durchschnitten melancholische Geigenklänge die Grabesstille, zwei Reihen weiter schleppten wildlockige Herren mit hohem Goldzahnaufkommen ganze Spanferkel, Obstarrangements und Bierfässer herbei. Eine ganze Zigeuner-Sippe (ja, ich sage Zigeuner und nicht Roma- oder Sinti-Mitbürger, die mit ihrem Political-correctness-Getue können mich) ließ sich auf Klappstühlen am Rand eines frisch aufgeschütteten Grabes nieder. Die Damen einte eine überbordende Liebe zu Leoparden-und Tigermuster. Es wurde gefuttert, gesoffen, geheult, einander in die Arme gefallen, palavert und gesungen, dass sich die Haare der grabbesuchenden Nerzmantelträgerinnen des Hietzinger Friedhofs regelrecht aufstellten.  Eine solche Sause hatten auch die Toten hier noch nicht erlebt. „Omschi“, raunte ich dem Grabstein zu, „hier steppt der Bär im Kettenhemd. Du entschuldigst mich kurz.“ Ich hörte sie seufzen. Sie war schon zu Lebzeiten fremden Kulturen gegenüber nicht gerade aufgeschlossen gewesen. Doch mein Gruft-Bier mit den Gypsies konnte ich mir leider auch pinseln. Deren Integrationswillen gegenüber vermeintlichen Hietzinger Tussen, die  einen auf Multikulti machen und ihre Abschiedsparty crashen wollten, war so überschaubar wie eine Erdnussschale. Zum Totlachen.

Toggle Console (1, 1!)
Warning
file_exists(): open_basedir restriction in effect. File(/var/lib/php5) is not within the allowed path(s): (/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/:/tmp/) on line 2290 in file /var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/pods/includes/general.php
Profiler (0 ms)
No entries found.
SQL (43 queries | 4.69 ms)
0.0970
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'itsec-enable-grade-report' 
LIMIT 1
0.0970
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_framework_upgraded_1_x' 
LIMIT 1
0.0741
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'ossdl_https' 
LIMIT 1
0.0401
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'gzipcompression' 
LIMIT 1
0.0598
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = '_site_transient_timeout_itsec_wp_upload_dir' 
LIMIT 1
0.0429
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = '_site_transient_itsec_wp_upload_dir' 
LIMIT 1
0.0968
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'autoptimize_imgopt_provider_stat' 
LIMIT 1
0.0482
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'classic-editor-allow-users' 
LIMIT 1
0.0360
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'classic-editor-replace' 
LIMIT 1
0.0968
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'wp_mail_smtp' 
LIMIT 1
0.0582
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_component_settings' 
LIMIT 1
0.0939
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'can_compress_scripts' 
LIMIT 1
0.0770
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'wp_super_cache_disabled' 
LIMIT 1
0.8190
SELECT `lockout_host` 
FROM `AH_itsec_lockouts` 
WHERE `lockout_active`=1 
AND `lockout_expire_gmt` > '2019-04-21 18:42:37' 
AND `lockout_host` = '18.212.239.56';
0.1080
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'preload_cache_counter' 
LIMIT 1
0.0641
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_disable_file_browser' 
LIMIT 1
0.0410
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_files_require_login' 
LIMIT 1
0.0389
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_files_require_login_cap' 
LIMIT 1
0.0370
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_disable_file_upload' 
LIMIT 1
0.0370
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_upload_require_login' 
LIMIT 1
0.0410
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_upload_require_login_cap' 
LIMIT 1
0.3071
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.post_name = 'a-zigeuna-mecht-i-sein-03-12-2016' 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'kolumnen' 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.1760
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (211) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0939
SELECT * 
FROM AH_users 
WHERE ID = '2' 
LIMIT 1
0.0532
SELECT user_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_usermeta 
WHERE user_id IN (2) 
ORDER BY umeta_id ASC
0.6580
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
INNER JOIN AH_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('post_tag') 
AND tr.object_id IN (211) 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.4189
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
INNER JOIN AH_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category') 
AND tr.object_id IN (211) 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.0510
SELECT term_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_termmeta 
WHERE term_id IN (1) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0651
SELECT * 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE ID = 221 
LIMIT 1
0.0470
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (221) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0610
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE t.term_id = 2
0.0482
SELECT tr.object_id 
FROM AH_term_relationships AS tr 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND tt.term_id IN ('2') 
ORDER BY tr.object_id ASC
0.0591
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (7,14,15,291,530,531,546) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'nav_menu_item' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.menu_order ASC
0.0560
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (7,546,530,531,15,291,14) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0641
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (12) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'page' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.0460
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (12) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0510
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category') 
AND t.term_id IN ( 1 ) 
AND tt.count > 0 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.0689
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND t.slug = 'footer' 
LIMIT 1
0.0441
SELECT tr.object_id 
FROM AH_term_relationships AS tr 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND tt.term_id IN ('10') 
ORDER BY tr.object_id ASC
0.0520
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (512,513,544) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'nav_menu_item' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.menu_order ASC
0.0460
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (512,544,513) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0708
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (448,541,12) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'page' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.0472
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (541,448) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
Templates
[0] => themes/pollyadler/single-kolumnen.php
[1] => themes/pollyadler/header.php
[2] => themes/pollyadler/template-parts/thumbnailcaption.php
[3] => themes/pollyadler/footer.php
Globals
$_GET = array (
);

$_POST = array (
);

$_COOKIE = array (
);

$_SESSION = array (
);

$_SERVER = array (
  'SERVER_SOFTWARE' => 'Apache',
  'REQUEST_URI' => '/kolumnen/a-zigeuna-mecht-i-sein-03-12-2016/',
  'USER' => 'pollyareso',
  'HOME' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at',
  'SCRIPT_NAME' => '/index.php',
  'QUERY_STRING' => '',
  'REQUEST_METHOD' => 'GET',
  'SERVER_PROTOCOL' => 'HTTP/1.0',
  'GATEWAY_INTERFACE' => 'CGI/1.1',
  'REDIRECT_URL' => '/kolumnen/a-zigeuna-mecht-i-sein-03-12-2016/',
  'REMOTE_PORT' => '42110',
  'SCRIPT_FILENAME' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs/index.php',
  'SERVER_ADMIN' => 'lr@cwd.at',
  'CONTEXT_DOCUMENT_ROOT' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs',
  'CONTEXT_PREFIX' => '',
  'REQUEST_SCHEME' => 'https',
  'DOCUMENT_ROOT' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs',
  'REMOTE_ADDR' => '18.212.239.56',
  'SERVER_PORT' => '443',
  'SERVER_ADDR' => '195.2.220.62',
  'SERVER_NAME' => 'www.pollyadler.at',
  'SERVER_SIGNATURE' => '',
  'PATH' => '/usr/local/sbin:/usr/local/bin:/usr/sbin:/usr/bin:/sbin:/bin',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT_ENCODING' => 'gzip',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE' => 'en-US,en;q=0.5',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT' => 'text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8',
  'HTTP_USER_AGENT' => 'CCBot/2.0 (https://commoncrawl.org/faq/)',
  'HTTP_CONNECTION' => 'close',
  'HTTP_X_ACCEL_INTERNAL' => '/internal-nginx-static-location',
  'HTTP_X_REAL_IP' => '18.212.239.56',
  'HTTP_HOST' => 'www.pollyadler.at',
  'proxy-nokeepalive' => '1',
  'HTTPS' => 'on',
  'REDIRECT_STATUS' => '200',
  'REDIRECT_HTTPS' => 'on',
  'FCGI_ROLE' => 'RESPONDER',
  'PHP_SELF' => '/index.php',
  'REQUEST_TIME_FLOAT' => '1555872156.9504',
  'REQUEST_TIME' => '1555872156',
);

Close