Kolumnen

Auf der Flucht – 1.10.2016

Ein lehrreicher Nachmittag bei Furchen-Pepi und Calimero in Kaisermühlen.

Ich spitzte die Lauscher, als ich im tiefsten Kaisermühlen in einem Wirtshaus zu sitzen kam. „Jetzt hat si’ die glatt was mit dem Flüchtling ang’fangen“, merkte einer der Herren am Stammtisch  an. – „Na, echt jetzt?“ – „Ja, die ditschgerlt jetzt mit so an Syrer, die feine Frau Ex-Bankdirektor.“ –  „Na graust’s dem vor gar nix? Die ist ja mindestens 20 Jahr‘ älter“, warf der sichtlich Ratsälteste ein, dessen Gesicht vom Furchenaufkommen her  wie eine Motocrossstrecke nach Rennschluss wirkte. Dem Ponyschwanz-Träger, der „Hörbi“ genannt wurde, machten da ganz andere Überlegungen Sorgen: „Wenn jetzt die Muftis unsere Weiber abgraseln, brauchen s’ net glauben … Da können S’ dann bald ihr Kebab nur mehr als Infusion inhalieren.“ Polterndes Gelächter.
Das Greenhorn der Truppe brach jetzt schüchtern eine Lanze für das emotional hochtourige Integrationsprojekt: „Aber vielleicht ist es Liebe, die ganz große Liebe …“ Furchen-Pepi tötete das Nesthäkchen mit einem Blick: „Calimero, wann kommt der Bus mit die Leut’, die des interessiert, ha? …. Willst du uns jetzt vielleicht erklären, wie d’ Weiberleut funktionieren?“ Pony-Hörbi zeigte Erbarmen angesichts Calimeros einsetzender Schreckstarre. Er umfasste den blassen Jüngling an der Schulter: „Listen and learn: Des san die Hormone, die aus solchen Frauen willenlose Objekte machen … da drahn die durch, besonders in dem Alter.“ Biere wurden serviert von einer Dame, deren Augen in abgeklärtem Pragmatismus schwammen. Sie sagte: „Ihr Schöpfungskönige habt’s ja so Recht. Bei einer solchen Mister-Universum-Angebotslage auf fremdländische Import-Ware greifen?
Völlig vertrottelt.“
Die Ironie ihrer Aussage brauchte etwas Reisezeit, ehe sie bei den Stammtischlern landen konnte. Das Erkenntnis-Vakuum nutzte Furchen-Pepi für die erhellende Aussage: „Bei den Hormonen hört si für mi die Integration auf. Original und radikal.“

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