Kolumnen

Das Kind schreibt – 26.11.2016

Wie der Fortpflanz Muttchen auf den obersten Wipfel der Palme gebracht hatte. 

Das Kind schreit: „Ich will einen Brief an das Christkind schreiben.“ Das Kind ist 22. „Auf welchem Kommunikationskanal?“ – „Ich fühle mich um diese schöne Jahreszeit so wahnsinnig analog und werde mir Büttenpapier aus der Mottenkiste holen.“ Und es begab sich, dass am nächsten Morgen ein Old-School-Kuvertscherl im Fenster lag, befüllt mit einem Schreiben folgenden Inhalts: „Liebes Christkind! Finstere Zeiten sind heuer angebrochen.  Trump, die Hofer-Wähler, Machtgier und der Turbokapitalismus haben aus der Welt einen beängstigenden Ort gemacht. Deswegen ist mir oberflächlicher Konsum nicht mehr wichtig. Hier meine Wunschliste …“ Es folgen geschätzte 25 Posten, die Paris Hilton und Marie Antoinette zu hedonistischen Milchmädchen und Reduktions-Prinzessinnen stempeln. Ein Abo für einen Personal Trainer, Parfüm von Stella McCartney, Mani- und Pedi-Gutscheine etc. waren da noch die geringfügigsten Posten. Als ich das Elaborat durchhatte, brüllte ich nur: „Bist du in den Ironie-Topf gefallen oder willst du mich nur einfach so verarschen?“ – „Du schreibst doch immer, dass der Feminismus auf die Schnauze gefallen ist, weil Frauen keine Forderungen stellen.“ – „Da ging es nicht um Kaschmir-Ohrenschützer und französische Maniküre, sondern um den Gender-Gap bei der Entlohnung, steuerliche Absetzbarkeit von Betreuungspersonal und dergleichen mehr.“ – „Man muss aber doch einmal klein anfangen“, grinste der Fortpflanz und rieb sich triumphierend die Händchen, weil er Muttchen wieder einmal erfolgreich auf den obersten Wipfel der Palme gebracht hatte.
Dann nahm mich das Kind in die Arme: „Verwahr den Brief sorgfältigst, in zehn Jahren wirst du angesichts dieser schönen Erinnerungen an unsere gemeinsame Zeit  eine Tränenkolonie auf Reisen schicken.“  Eine?

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