Kolumnen

„Du Instagram-Opfer!“ – 17.12.2016

Facebook, mein freundlicher und doch so durchtriebener großer Bruder, schenkt mir einen Jahresrückblick 2016. Ich sehe mein mild belichtetes Profilporträt, um das sich zu Sphärenklängen die Fotos jener 492 Menschen legen, die in diesem Jahr zu meinen Freunden geworden sind. Ich schätze, dass ich 422 davon im analogen Leben noch nicht einmal getroffen habe. Und noch immer finde ich es sehr wunderlich, wenn jemand auf dem Markt oder im Café mit offenen Armen  auf mich zustürzt und ruft: „Hallo! Wir sind auf Facebook befreundet!“ Dieser Satz hat eine ähnliche Aussagekraft wie „Hey, toll! Wir wohnen beide auf dem Planeten Erde!“  In Slowmotion sehe ich in diesem Jahresrückblick Selbstinszenierungen von mir, die, wie so viele, natürlich auch den Zweck hatten, meinen FB-Mitbewohnern vorzugaukeln, was für ein glamouröses, ereignisreiches, buntes, von interessanten Kontakten überbordendes Leben ich nicht habe: Lauter tolle Künstler, mit denen ich vor mich hinkicherere, Hipstamatic-Schüsse von Lavendelbauern in der Provence und triefäugigen Marktstandlern auf Mallorca. Schließlich sollen die in der Gesichtsbücherei auch wirklich checken, dass sie mit einer echten Kosmopolemikerin zu tun haben. Und, Himmel, auch Blumenfotos finden sich darunter. Haustiere und gelungenes Backwerk noch nicht, aber Blumenbilder. Dabei hatte ich mir doch geschworen … Seltsamerweise hat sich die Generation der Fortpflänze längst  von diesem Posting-Virus befreit. Das Leben scheint dann doch interessanter als der bloße Anschein davon. Die machen im Pulk einen Ausflug zur Hohen Wand und mieten sich  je ein Lama, mit dem sie fröhlich durch den Wald spazieren. Und kein einziges Fotodokument findet davon seinen Weg in das Netz. Deren neuestes Lieblings-Schimpfwort lautet übrigens

„Du Instagram-Opfer!“ – für notorisch postende Ich-hab-so-ein-tolles-Leben-Streber.

Es ist mein Wort des Jahres.

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