Kolumnen

Geschäftsmodell Gesprächspuff – 04.02.2017

Das Hotel „Galle Face“ in Colombo kommt einer kolonialistischen Fieberfantasie gleich, doch ich bekam kaum Raum, sie zu genießen. In der Bar setzte sich nämlich ein Engländer so knapp neben mich, dass ich seinem Konversationsbedürfnis nicht entrinnen konnte. Er textete mich über das Wetter, das singhalesische Würzverhalten, den Brexit und das richtige Tropenoutfit in einer pausenfreien Wortwurst zu, bis ich winselte: „Gnade, bitte Gnade – waren Sie die letzten zehn Tage in einem Trappistenkloster?“ Touché, fast zumindest. Denn schon hob er zu einer neuen Tirade an, um mir seine Erlebnisse in einem buddhistischen Mediationscamp, in dem zwei Wochen kein Wort gesprochen werden durfte, zu meinem Gin Tonic zu servieren. „Alles klar – wo ist dieser Schweigeschuppen?“, versuchte ich die Sache abzukürzen. Er erläuterte mir ausführlich den Standort mit sämtlichen Verkehrsanschlüssen, ich konterte dem Plauderbegabten mit einem Geschäftsmodell: in Form eines Gesprächsbordells. Gleich neben der Anstalt. Dort dürften verbal Ausgetrocknete dann auf eine schnelle Konversationsnummer zu überhöhten Preisen antanzen, wobei Themengebiete wie  „Wetter und Alltag“ oder „Überlebenstipps in den Tropen“ weitaus günstiger wären wie „Lacan und die Folgen für unsere Ich-Werdung“ oder eine psychoanalytisch zentrierte Antwort auf die Frage, warum Frauen auf Facebook ständig ihre Füße fotografieren müssen. Die Sprechpuppen für mein Talkpuff  würde ich mir in den feinsten Wissenshochburgen Europas rekrutieren, von der Sorbonne abwärts, chinesische Import-Plauderelfen kämen nicht in Frage, erzählte ich dem Engländer, der zunehmend schweigsamer wurde, weil er mich ganz offensichtlich für verrückt hielt. Er sprang auf, pfefferte ein „Nice meeting you“ in die Luft und sprengte von dannen, um sich das nächste gesprächsbereite Opfer klar zu machen. Da fehlten mir einfach nur mehr die Worte!

Toggle Console (1, 1!)
Warning
file_exists(): open_basedir restriction in effect. File(/var/lib/php5) is not within the allowed path(s): (/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/:/tmp/) on line 2290 in file /var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/pods/includes/general.php
Profiler (0 ms)
No entries found.
SQL (41 queries | 3.79 ms)
0.1099
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'itsec-enable-grade-report' 
LIMIT 1
0.0970
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_framework_upgraded_1_x' 
LIMIT 1
0.0679
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'ossdl_https' 
LIMIT 1
0.0429
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'gzipcompression' 
LIMIT 1
0.0749
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = '_site_transient_timeout_itsec_wp_upload_dir' 
LIMIT 1
0.0448
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = '_site_transient_itsec_wp_upload_dir' 
LIMIT 1
0.0758
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'autoptimize_imgopt_provider_stat' 
LIMIT 1
0.0479
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'classic-editor-allow-users' 
LIMIT 1
0.0420
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'classic-editor-replace' 
LIMIT 1
0.0761
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'wp_mail_smtp' 
LIMIT 1
0.0579
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_component_settings' 
LIMIT 1
0.0942
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'can_compress_scripts' 
LIMIT 1
0.0801
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'wp_super_cache_disabled' 
LIMIT 1
0.2730
SELECT `lockout_host` 
FROM `AH_itsec_lockouts` 
WHERE `lockout_active`=1 
AND `lockout_expire_gmt` > '2019-04-21 18:04:47' 
AND `lockout_host` = '18.212.239.56';
0.0629
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'preload_cache_counter' 
LIMIT 1
0.0522
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_disable_file_browser' 
LIMIT 1
0.0439
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_files_require_login' 
LIMIT 1
0.0401
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_files_require_login_cap' 
LIMIT 1
0.0379
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_disable_file_upload' 
LIMIT 1
0.0660
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_upload_require_login' 
LIMIT 1
0.0429
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_upload_require_login_cap' 
LIMIT 1
0.2971
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.post_name = 'geschaeftsmodell-gespraechspuff-04-02-2017' 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'kolumnen' 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.1552
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (337) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0620
SELECT * 
FROM AH_users 
WHERE ID = '4' 
LIMIT 1
0.0501
SELECT user_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_usermeta 
WHERE user_id IN (4) 
ORDER BY umeta_id ASC
0.5860
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
INNER JOIN AH_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('post_tag') 
AND tr.object_id IN (337) 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.4048
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
INNER JOIN AH_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category') 
AND tr.object_id IN (337) 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.0501
SELECT term_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_termmeta 
WHERE term_id IN (1) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0589
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE t.term_id = 2
0.0448
SELECT tr.object_id 
FROM AH_term_relationships AS tr 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND tt.term_id IN ('2') 
ORDER BY tr.object_id ASC
0.0579
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (7,14,15,291,530,531,546) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'nav_menu_item' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.menu_order ASC
0.0520
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (7,546,530,531,15,291,14) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0548
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (12) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'page' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.0439
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (12) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0451
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category') 
AND t.term_id IN ( 1 ) 
AND tt.count > 0 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.0551
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND t.slug = 'footer' 
LIMIT 1
0.0429
SELECT tr.object_id 
FROM AH_term_relationships AS tr 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND tt.term_id IN ('10') 
ORDER BY tr.object_id ASC
0.0520
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (512,513,544) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'nav_menu_item' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.menu_order ASC
0.0448
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (512,544,513) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0639
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (448,541,12) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'page' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.0429
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (541,448) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
Templates
[0] => themes/pollyadler/single-kolumnen.php
[1] => themes/pollyadler/header.php
[2] => themes/pollyadler/template-parts/thumbnailcaption.php
[3] => themes/pollyadler/footer.php
Globals
$_GET = array (
);

$_POST = array (
);

$_COOKIE = array (
);

$_SESSION = array (
);

$_SERVER = array (
  'SERVER_SOFTWARE' => 'Apache',
  'REQUEST_URI' => '/kolumnen/geschaeftsmodell-gespraechspuff-04-02-2017/',
  'USER' => 'pollyareso',
  'HOME' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at',
  'SCRIPT_NAME' => '/index.php',
  'QUERY_STRING' => '',
  'REQUEST_METHOD' => 'GET',
  'SERVER_PROTOCOL' => 'HTTP/1.0',
  'GATEWAY_INTERFACE' => 'CGI/1.1',
  'REDIRECT_URL' => '/kolumnen/geschaeftsmodell-gespraechspuff-04-02-2017/',
  'REMOTE_PORT' => '48706',
  'SCRIPT_FILENAME' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs/index.php',
  'SERVER_ADMIN' => 'lr@cwd.at',
  'CONTEXT_DOCUMENT_ROOT' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs',
  'CONTEXT_PREFIX' => '',
  'REQUEST_SCHEME' => 'https',
  'DOCUMENT_ROOT' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs',
  'REMOTE_ADDR' => '18.212.239.56',
  'SERVER_PORT' => '443',
  'SERVER_ADDR' => '195.2.220.62',
  'SERVER_NAME' => 'www.pollyadler.at',
  'SERVER_SIGNATURE' => '',
  'PATH' => '/usr/local/sbin:/usr/local/bin:/usr/sbin:/usr/bin:/sbin:/bin',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT_ENCODING' => 'gzip',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE' => 'en-US,en;q=0.5',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT' => 'text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8',
  'HTTP_USER_AGENT' => 'CCBot/2.0 (https://commoncrawl.org/faq/)',
  'HTTP_CONNECTION' => 'close',
  'HTTP_X_ACCEL_INTERNAL' => '/internal-nginx-static-location',
  'HTTP_X_REAL_IP' => '18.212.239.56',
  'HTTP_HOST' => 'www.pollyadler.at',
  'proxy-nokeepalive' => '1',
  'HTTPS' => 'on',
  'REDIRECT_STATUS' => '200',
  'REDIRECT_HTTPS' => 'on',
  'FCGI_ROLE' => 'RESPONDER',
  'PHP_SELF' => '/index.php',
  'REQUEST_TIME_FLOAT' => '1555869887.1715',
  'REQUEST_TIME' => '1555869887',
);

Close