Kolumnen

Glückliche Katastrophen – 24.12.2016

So. Die fette Ente, die bis zuletzt viele Freunde hatte, wie mir der Bio-Bauer versicherte, ist im Rohr. Die Knödel sehen wie immer wie frisch aus dem Rudolf-Steiner-Kindergarten aus. Wahrscheinlich können sie auch ihren Vornamen tanzen. Mein Kind schüttelt wie die „Heidi“-Spaßbremse Fräulein Rottenmeier den Kopf: „Mutter, wenn du nur ein bisschen früher angefangen hättest …“ – „Dann schießt mir kein Adrenalin ein und ich hänge wie eine Geranie von gestern in den Seilen.“Das Kind schmückt den Baum, der größentechnisch in das Foyer eines gepflegten Oligarchen-Haushalts passen würde, und seufzt „Augenmaß heißt die Kanaille.“ – „Ich bin zu alt für schlechten Wein, kleine Bäume und Dosenessen“, pfauche ich zurück. Und irgendwann zelebrieren wir dann doch noch unser jährliches Ritual vor der Familien-Invasion: Zwei Gläschen Tussi-Champagner und „Tatsächlich Liebe“ auf dem Sofa, diesen wunderbare Episodenfilm, wo Hugh Grant als britischer Premierminister sich für seine übergewichtige Cockney-Sekretärin entscheidet.Natürlich heule ich bereits los, als während des Vorspanns diverse Reisende auf dem Flughafen ihrer Verwandtschaft in die Arme fallen. Das Kind kriegt den Satz „Mutter, du bist soooo peinlich“ auch nicht mehr raus, denn es ist ebenfalls in Tränen aufgelöst. Wir fallen uns in die Arme, sie schluchzt: „Ich habe eine schöne Überraschung für dich: Ich prokrastiniere meine Erwachsenwerdung noch um eineinhalb Jahre und werde solange hier wohnen bleiben. Das ist mein Geschenk an dich.“ – „Ein Danaer-Geschenk.“ – „Diesen Designer kenne ich nicht“, erklärt das Kind, dessen humanistische Bildung reichlich Raum nach oben hat, und heult friedlich weiter. Die Burg-Schauspielerin Bibi Zeller hat mir einmal in einem Interview den Satz geschenkt: „Alles eine Katastrophe. Aber ansonsten bin ich sehr glücklich.“

Frohes Fest, liebe Leser!

 

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