Kolumnen

„Ich dich auch, du Luder!” – 27.08.2016

November im August und meine rettungslose Verliebtheit in Altaussee.

Es schiffte, Nebelschwaden waberten, die Temperaturanzeige am Armaturenbrett signalisierte neun Grad, als ich über den Pötschen tuckerte. „Altaussee, geht’s noch? Das kann jetzt nicht dein Ernst sein“, tadelte ich präventiv das Kaff, in dem ich beschlossen hatte, mein Wochenende zu verbringen. Eine Entscheidung, die ich in diesem Moment mit Fluchsalven torpedierte. Am nächsten Morgen klotzte die Sonne, der See machte sich in tausenden Grünblau-Schattierungen wichtig und ich war in dieses größenwahnsinnige Dorf verliebt wie am ersten Tag unserer Begegnung. 15 Sommer hatte ich hier verbracht und mir zehn Mal so oft geschworen, dass dieser der unwiderruflich letzte sein würde. Zu oft November im August gehabt. Doch wie bei einem störrischen, aber leider manchmal unpackbar hinreißenden Geliebten sank man wieder hin. Wehrlosigkeit ist eben ein Luxus, den man sich manchmal gönnen sollte. Als ich im langsamsten Elektroboot der westlichen Hemisphäre über den See glitt, ratterte meine gesamte Altaussee-Biografie durch den Kopf: Dort hatte ich auf der Bank über Stunden meinen Liebeskummer ausgeheult, an jener Uferstelle waren wir nachts johlend bei Vollmond ins Wasser gepurzelt und dort hinten, beim alten Steg,  hatte sich mein Fortpflänzchen, dem ich hier eine kleine Bullerbü-Kindheit zu stemmen versucht hatte, auf den Boden geworfen und gebrüllt: „Ich bin ein Zauberkind. Und Zauberkinder hassen spazieren gehen.“
Ich dachte an die paar Herzensherren, denen ich diese Postkartenschönheit von einem Dorf gleich einer Morgengabe vor die Füße geworfen hatte. An all die Saiblinge in der Seewiese. Die Perlenreihen von schönen Tagen. Ich hielt vor der Trisselwand, die jetzt in angeberisch pinkfarbenes Licht getaucht war, und flüsterte: „Ich dich auch, du Luder!“

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