Kolumnen

„Is so” – 03.09.2016

Er wird fehlen, an der Alten Donau. Is so!

Geht’s dir noch irgendwie, mein lieber E? Jetzt bist uns einfach abgehaut. Und ich kann es nicht fassen, dass vor deinem Hausboot  eine Grabkerze brennt, dass du nie wieder dein noch nicht ganz taufrisches Ponem am mittleren Morgen aus der Tür in die Sonne streckst und dazu sowas sagst wie „I siach kan Fehler“ oder „Was soll sein?“  Mit wem werde ich jetzt in diesen blauen Stunden der rotgoldenen Sommertage an der Alten Donau einmal nach der „Hack’n“ drei bis fünf „Cowboyschlucke“ nehmen, wo werde ich eine wieder einmal wirklich allerletzte Ich-rauch-eigentlich-gar-nicht-mehr-Zigarette schnorren? Wer wird die Kabanen-Community jetzt mit frischen Wuchteln á la „Meine Traumfrau? Ganz klar: Die Missis Columbo – is nie im Bild, bringt nur den Mantel in die Putzerei“ versorgen? Oder sich in die Brustgegend fassen, wenn ich zu viel gekichert habe, und mit dem ultimativen Schlawinerblick Poetisches aus der Hüfte schleudern wie „Hearst, i hab da ka Fleischlaberl eingebaut, da schlagt a echtes Herz.“ Und sämtliche ermüdende Diskussionen über Frauen, die in einer gewissen Altersgruppe „so vül vül zu schnell wollen“, mit dem lapidaren Satz „Is so! “ beenden? Genau niemand. Du depperter Tod! Das Kind schrie laut auf, als ich ihm die traurige Nachricht überbrachte: „Aber das kann doch nicht sein, der war doch so lustig.“ Lustig, Fortpflanz, ist leider kein Impfschutz. Oft sogar im Gegenteil. Die Lustigen sind meistens der Kategorie der Herdplattenanfasser und Vorsorgeuntersuchungen-sind-für-lauwarme Lulus-Glaubensgemeinschaft zuzuordnen.  Bei den Lustigen ist nämlich immer jetzt. „Humor ist die Zärtlichkeit der Angst“, sagte Guillermo Mordillo. Oder ein Schwimmreifen für die, die aus Prinzip gerne gegen den Strom schwimmen. Nein, E, ich werde dich jetzt verschonen mit Schmonzes à  la „eine Lücke, die nicht zu füllen ist“ und „nie vergessen“, aber in wahrer Wirklichkeit: „Is so“, weil nämlich kein Fleischlaberl eingebaut.

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