Kolumnen

Mit Listen und Tücke – 17.09.2016

Der Fortpflanz rebelliert in Form von Ordnung.

Und dann machen wir eine Liste“, sagte das Kind und zückte seinen Block, „Listen sind mein neuer Porno.“ – „Oh Gott! Warst du heimlich in einem Führungskräfteseminar?“ – „Nein, Führungskräfte haben Menschen, die für sie Listen führen.“ – „Was für eine Art von Liste? Mehr so Punkt eins: Schöne Tage sammeln, Punkt 2: Zwei Löffel Gelassenheit vor jeder Schlacht schlucken, Punkt 3: Kränkungsresistenz-Aufbau oder eher 1. Fünf Sonnengrüße vor dem ersten Granatapfel-Smoothie, 2. Gummibärchen-Embargo, 3. Mülltrennung ernst nehmen.“ – „Zweiteres, Muttchen. Auch für dich ist jetzt einmal der Zeitpunkt gekommen, wo du deiner Infantilität ein lautes Servus sagen solltest.“  Man hat also Leben unter Schmerzen in die Welt geschossen und dann entwickelt sich dieses Leben zu einer ideologischen Buchhalterin. Aber wahrscheinlich ist dieses Listen-Faible ihre Form der Rebellion. Meine Eltern waren zum Beispiel militante Nikotin-Gegner, Frühaufsteher und Maximal-ein-Glas-Wein-Trinker. Mein armes Fortpflänzchen inhalierte hingegen Chaos bereits mit der Muttermilch und scheuchte mich schon im Vorschulalter vom Weihnachtsbaum, weil ich den nicht nach ihren Symmetrie-Vorstellungen dekoriert hatte. Ich absolvierte eine ausführliche Google-Promenade, um alles über das Seelenkostüm solcher Listen-Pornografen herauszufinden. Und siehe da: Listen haben, so ist sich die Psycho-Meute ziemlich einig, höchst ungesunde Nebenwirkungen. Sie sind quasi von ihrem Naturell her ständige Mahnmale des Unerledigten, erzeugen bei ihren Schöpfern entsprechenden Stress und lähmen durch ihre Kleinlichkeit zusätzlich die Produktivität  für die großen Dinge des Lebens. Ich verfasste dem Kind also in Schönschreibschrift eine entsprechende Liste von diesen deprimierenden Erkenntnissen, setzte ihr aber dabei den Punkt „Die mühsame Listenphobikerin, die sich meine Mutter nennt, wie narrisch lieben“ an oberste Stelle.

Toggle Console (1, 1!)
Warning
file_exists(): open_basedir restriction in effect. File(/var/lib/php5) is not within the allowed path(s): (/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/:/tmp/) on line 2290 in file /var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/pods/includes/general.php
Profiler (0 ms)
No entries found.
SQL (41 queries | 4.13 ms)
0.0801
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'itsec-enable-grade-report' 
LIMIT 1
0.0761
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_framework_upgraded_1_x' 
LIMIT 1
0.0710
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'ossdl_https' 
LIMIT 1
0.0429
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'gzipcompression' 
LIMIT 1
0.0551
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = '_site_transient_timeout_itsec_wp_upload_dir' 
LIMIT 1
0.0451
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = '_site_transient_itsec_wp_upload_dir' 
LIMIT 1
0.0670
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'autoptimize_imgopt_provider_stat' 
LIMIT 1
0.0460
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'classic-editor-allow-users' 
LIMIT 1
0.0429
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'classic-editor-replace' 
LIMIT 1
0.0610
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'wp_mail_smtp' 
LIMIT 1
0.0560
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_component_settings' 
LIMIT 1
0.1068
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'can_compress_scripts' 
LIMIT 1
0.0892
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'wp_super_cache_disabled' 
LIMIT 1
0.3581
SELECT `lockout_host` 
FROM `AH_itsec_lockouts` 
WHERE `lockout_active`=1 
AND `lockout_expire_gmt` > '2019-04-21 18:05:11' 
AND `lockout_host` = '18.212.239.56';
0.1221
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'preload_cache_counter' 
LIMIT 1
0.0601
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_disable_file_browser' 
LIMIT 1
0.0420
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_files_require_login' 
LIMIT 1
0.0401
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_files_require_login_cap' 
LIMIT 1
0.0398
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_disable_file_upload' 
LIMIT 1
0.0432
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_upload_require_login' 
LIMIT 1
0.0379
SELECT option_value 
FROM AH_options 
WHERE option_name = 'pods_upload_require_login_cap' 
LIMIT 1
0.2930
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.post_name = 'mit-listen-und-tuecke-17-09-2016' 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'kolumnen' 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.1640
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (188) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.1080
SELECT * 
FROM AH_users 
WHERE ID = '2' 
LIMIT 1
0.0570
SELECT user_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_usermeta 
WHERE user_id IN (2) 
ORDER BY umeta_id ASC
0.7429
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
INNER JOIN AH_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('post_tag') 
AND tr.object_id IN (188) 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.4361
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
INNER JOIN AH_term_relationships AS tr ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category') 
AND tr.object_id IN (188) 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.0489
SELECT term_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_termmeta 
WHERE term_id IN (1) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0811
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE t.term_id = 2
0.0479
SELECT tr.object_id 
FROM AH_term_relationships AS tr 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND tt.term_id IN ('2') 
ORDER BY tr.object_id ASC
0.0589
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (7,14,15,291,530,531,546) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'nav_menu_item' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.menu_order ASC
0.0510
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (7,546,530,531,15,291,14) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0570
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (12) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'page' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.0420
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (12) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0451
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('category') 
AND t.term_id IN ( 1 ) 
AND tt.count > 0 
ORDER BY t.name ASC
0.0620
SELECT t.*, tt.* 
FROM AH_terms AS t 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON t.term_id = tt.term_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND t.slug = 'footer' 
LIMIT 1
0.0441
SELECT tr.object_id 
FROM AH_term_relationships AS tr 
INNER JOIN AH_term_taxonomy AS tt ON tr.term_taxonomy_id = tt.term_taxonomy_id 
WHERE tt.taxonomy IN ('nav_menu') 
AND tt.term_id IN ('10') 
ORDER BY tr.object_id ASC
0.0560
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (512,513,544) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'nav_menu_item' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.menu_order ASC
0.0460
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (512,544,513) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
0.0648
SELECT AH_posts.* 
FROM AH_posts 
WHERE 1=1 
AND AH_posts.ID IN (448,541,12) 
AND AH_posts.post_type = 'page' 
AND ((AH_posts.post_status = 'publish')) 
ORDER BY AH_posts.post_date DESC
0.0460
SELECT post_id, meta_key, meta_value 
FROM AH_postmeta 
WHERE post_id IN (541,448) 
ORDER BY meta_id ASC
Templates
[0] => themes/pollyadler/single-kolumnen.php
[1] => themes/pollyadler/header.php
[2] => themes/pollyadler/template-parts/thumbnailcaption.php
[3] => themes/pollyadler/footer.php
Globals
$_GET = array (
);

$_POST = array (
);

$_COOKIE = array (
);

$_SESSION = array (
);

$_SERVER = array (
  'SERVER_SOFTWARE' => 'Apache',
  'REQUEST_URI' => '/kolumnen/mit-listen-und-tuecke-17-09-2016/',
  'USER' => 'pollyareso',
  'HOME' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at',
  'SCRIPT_NAME' => '/index.php',
  'QUERY_STRING' => '',
  'REQUEST_METHOD' => 'GET',
  'SERVER_PROTOCOL' => 'HTTP/1.0',
  'GATEWAY_INTERFACE' => 'CGI/1.1',
  'REDIRECT_URL' => '/kolumnen/mit-listen-und-tuecke-17-09-2016/',
  'REMOTE_PORT' => '48792',
  'SCRIPT_FILENAME' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs/index.php',
  'SERVER_ADMIN' => 'lr@cwd.at',
  'CONTEXT_DOCUMENT_ROOT' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs',
  'CONTEXT_PREFIX' => '',
  'REQUEST_SCHEME' => 'https',
  'DOCUMENT_ROOT' => '/var/www/vhosts/pollyadler.at/httpdocs',
  'REMOTE_ADDR' => '18.212.239.56',
  'SERVER_PORT' => '443',
  'SERVER_ADDR' => '195.2.220.62',
  'SERVER_NAME' => 'www.pollyadler.at',
  'SERVER_SIGNATURE' => '',
  'PATH' => '/usr/local/sbin:/usr/local/bin:/usr/sbin:/usr/bin:/sbin:/bin',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT_ENCODING' => 'gzip',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE' => 'en-US,en;q=0.5',
  'HTTP_ACCEPT' => 'text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8',
  'HTTP_USER_AGENT' => 'CCBot/2.0 (https://commoncrawl.org/faq/)',
  'HTTP_CONNECTION' => 'close',
  'HTTP_X_ACCEL_INTERNAL' => '/internal-nginx-static-location',
  'HTTP_X_REAL_IP' => '18.212.239.56',
  'HTTP_HOST' => 'www.pollyadler.at',
  'proxy-nokeepalive' => '1',
  'HTTPS' => 'on',
  'REDIRECT_STATUS' => '200',
  'REDIRECT_HTTPS' => 'on',
  'FCGI_ROLE' => 'RESPONDER',
  'PHP_SELF' => '/index.php',
  'REQUEST_TIME_FLOAT' => '1555869911.4641',
  'REQUEST_TIME' => '1555869911',
);

Close