Kolumnen

Monika, ach Monika – 21.01.2017

Abends lese ich dem Hoteldirektor manchmal aus meinen alten Niki-Lauda-Interviews vor. An der Stelle, wo Mister Lauda erzählt, dass ihm die italienischen Frauen nach seinen Siegen für Ferrari ihre Kinder zur Segnung hingehalten hatten, sind diesem so hingebungsvollen Fan  stille Tränen über die Wangen  gelaufen. Er beutelt jedoch alle Sentimentalitäten ab, wenn es um seinen Sohn geht, der hier auch herumwuselt. Der Mann gehörte dringend unter die Haube. Es wurden schon mehrfach Heiratsinserate in diversen Zeitungen geschaltet, aber keine der eingehenden Bewerbungen hat, was das Horoskop betrifft, gepasst.  Ich erfahre, dass in ganz Sri Lanka die astrologische Verträglichkeit als wesentlicher Faktor für eine glückliche Ehe gilt. Der Knabe ist Skorpion, eine Krebs-Kandidatin würde da beispielsweise das sichere Verderben bedeuten. Und wenn ein Störfaktor wie echte Liebe dieses Konzept ins Wanken bringt? „Echte Liebe, das ist doch  immer die Wurzel allen Übels “ zerschmettert der Direktor meine Einwände. Plötzlich spaziert ein Elefant durch das Tor direkt in die Lobby und stampft wütend auf den Marmorboden. „Samir, bring die Bananen für Monika“ ruft er jetzt völlig ungerührt, der Elefanten-Besitzer trudelt auch eben ein. „Sie frisst mich arm“,  stöhnt er, „500 Kilo Obst braucht sie am Tag, sonst wird sie verärgert.“ – „Siehst du, Papa, Monika ist wie alle Frauen“, stellt der ehescheue Sohn jetzt fest und klopft Monika auf den Rüssel, den sie  zärtlich um seine Hüfte schlingt und ihn damit in die Luft hebt. Der Sohn schreit zappelnd: „Und dann nehmen sie einem die Luft zum Atmen.“ – Ich zwitschere: „Aber vielleicht hat Monika das total perfekte Sternzeichen!“ – Ich bekam strenge Blicke von den Herren, denn in der Neigungsgruppe Ehen arrangieren hatte Spaß ihrer Meinung nach nichts, aber auch gar nichts verloren.

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