Kolumnen

Sneaker-Terror in Berlin – 02.03.2019

Der Fortpflanz kennt keine Gnade – prinzipiell nicht und schon gar nicht beim Erwerb von Sneakern. Ich wusste bis jetzt nicht, dass Sneaker zu einer ArtReligion geworden sind. Jetzt arbeitet das Kind in Berlin in einer Firma, in der Begriffe wie „moodboards”, „goal setting -dialogue” und „pre-meeting” wie zum täglichen Soyalatte Decaf Vanilla gehören. Allein beim Scanning der Mitarbeiter kommt man sich wie circa 107 vork. Die machen auch irgendwas mit Sneakers, was genau, habe ich nicht wirklich durchschaut. „Egal,” sagt das Kind in dem Laden, in dem ein mürbe blickender Wollmützchenträger mit Pornobürste den Umsatz ankurbeln sollen, „belaste dich nicht mit Dingen, die du ohnehin nicht verstehst. Such dir welche aus.” Der Grat, um als 50-sehr-plus Mensch den rechten Turnschuh zu finden, ist schmal. Schließlich will man nicht in die Hey-ich-bin-so-wahnsinnig-cool-drauf-Berufsjugendlichkeitsfalle tappen, andererseits möchte man auch nicht in der Rubrik Tut-leid-aber- völlig-ahnungslos versenkt werden. Das Modell, das der Porno-Bürsterich gelangweilt anschleppt, ein graublauer Nike, lässt das Kind nur seufzen: „Ok, der Klassiker für pseudoprogressive Zeichenlehrer. Aber nein, nein, hör‘ nicht auf mich, dir muss er ja gefallen….” Das Kind schleppt jetzt das Modell Stan-Smith von Adidas heran, nur den muss ich verweigern. Den haben schon drei Freundinnen, die ebenfalls cool, aber dabei nicht allzu bemüht wirken wollen. Stilfragen sind keine Heizdeckenfahrt, Leute. Der Fortpflanz wählt übrigens ein Modell, das ein Bling-Bling-Kicker mit Freunden aus  aus dem „Miljööö” bei Disco-Ausflügen tragen würde: Sehr hoch, sanitätsmuschelweiß und mit launigen Primärfarbenstreifen. „Hilfe!” sage ich nur. Das Kind schenkt mir einen Blick, der signalisiert „Ignoranz, du trägst das Gesicht meiner Mutter!”  Klarer Fall von Degenerationskonflikt.

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