Kolumnen

V-Day-Strategien – 11.02.2017

Rücksichtslos. Unsensibel. Überzuckert. Lächerlich. Und penetrant. Na, dieser Valentinstag-Tsunami im Werbe-TV. Ständig purzeln  B-Models mit windzerzauster Mähne in die Arme von Hipster-Bubis, zuvor  wurden noch nach zerlassenen Gummibärchen riechende Parfüms, Diskonter-Schmuck oder – doppelschwöre –  Gleitcremes als Zeichen der  Zugewandtheit überreicht. Denken diese kapitalistischen Brachial-Romantiker eigentlich auch an jene Menschen, die den zwischengeschlechtlichen Ball gerade etwas flacher halten müssen? Wie die sich gerade fühlen, wenn alle Welt am V-Day ihre Ich-habe-meinen-Soulmate-gefunden-Exzesse zelebriert, als ob der Lebensmensch am nächsten Tag an die Front ziehen müsse? Ich meine, reicht es nicht, dass gerade erst Silvester war, die erste seelische Feuerprobe  für Solisten? Wie soll unsereiner, der noch nicht den „man of my life“ und schon gar nicht „the life in my man“ (Danke, Mae West) gefunden hat, diesen Glücksterror überleben? Ganz einfach, liebe Co-Ballflachhalter: Besuchen Sie am Samstagvormittag eine Möbelhaus- oder Baumarkt-Filiale und lauschen Sie den Konversationen der  erfrischend zerrüttet wirkenden Soulmates: „Wo ist jetzt wieder die Liste?“ – „Welche?“ – „Na die, die das 10-Schritte-Programm meines Irrewerdens beleuchtet.“ – „Bist du jetzt ganz deppert worden?“ – „Hearst, die mit den Sachen drauf, die was wir heute einkaufen wollen!“ – „DIE WAS sagt man nicht.“ – „Was man nicht sagt, wirst du mir nicht sagen“ Undsoweiterfort. Und wenn das alles nichts nützt, kommen Sie am 14/2 zu mir ins Belvedere. Dort lese ich  vor Klimts „Kuss“ (eine Weltsensation!) Geschichten aus dem Tretminenfeld der Liebe vor. Wider allen Romantikterror. Parole: gemeinsam einsam und bester Laune. Ich schau dir in die Augen, kleiner Valentinstag!

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