Kolumnen

Wut-Unfälle – 19.11.2016

Wut, Enttäuschung und Autoknaller. 

Knnnirsch! Da war es, das Scheuergeräusch, das meinen dritten Blech-Buserer 2016 begleitete.
Dem Himmel sei Dank war meine Unfallgegnerin eine reizende Psychologin, die mich besorgt fragte: „Geht’s Ihnen nicht gut?“ – „Nein“, flennte ich los, „es geht mir beschissen. Heute Nacht ist Herr Cohen gestorben und meine ganze Jugend ist  mir wieder um die Ohren geflogen. Inklusive all des Liebeskummers, den ich mit So long Marianne zu verkraften
suchte. Und vorgestern ist ein Mann direkt von der Liane ins Weiße Haus geplumpst. Nach Michelle haben wir jetzt eine Melania, die sich vor Kameras nackt auf Felldecken räkelte, die Bude sofort in ein Versace-Versailles umstylen wird und in fünf Sprachen Reden abschreiben kann. Aber eigentlich bin ich in Ihre unschuldige Schüssel gekracht, weil ich mir gerade auf Superfly den Buchtipp der Woche anhören musste. Statt richtig relevante Bücher wie den Roman Und die Nacht prahlt mit Kometen meiner Freundin E vorzustellen, empfahl die vom Sender geheuerte Literatur-Tante den  Haushaltsratgeber Sachen richtig machen, weil sie dort endlich auf die brennenden Fragen Wie lege ich ein Spannleintuch richtig zusammen? und Wie pflege ich meine Handtasche? Antworten bekam. Im 21. Jahrhundert scheinen sich Frauen wieder freiwillig auf jene Terrains begeben zu wollen, aus denen sie vor zwanzig, dreißig Jahren den Notausgang gesucht haben – zu einem oft sehr hohen Preis. Das macht mich alles so unendlich wütend, dass ich ohne Not in fremde Autos knalle.“
Sie träufelte jetzt ein paar Rescue-Drops auf ein Stück Zucker und sagte: „Solange Sie sich noch so aufregen können, ist die Welt noch nicht verloren. Aber Sie müssen mir versprechen: Sie dürfen nicht alles so persönlich nehmen.“ – „Die Psychopharmaka gibt’s leider noch nicht.
Aber danke trotzdem.“

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